ok so i have alot to update on..

i am single- things just didn't work out for jeremy and i. we are trying to remain friends but that is sort of hard to do..long story on that one.. if ya want to know..ask.

i am comming into my own- i sort of feel as if i am comming to know myself since ive become single as far as what i can and can not handle in life.. i have come to find that there is more that i can handle, as oppose to what i cant. that to me is a wonderful thing.

the future- i have had a bumpy past couple of monthes but i think my future is looking pretty bright right now. i just need to stay posative and keep the ones that love me right beside me.  i am learning to take time out for me and that is a wonderful thing..and because of it.. i am getting a tann!! lol.

old friends- i stopped by my old friend georges house tonight.. yes i know some of you thnk i am nutts but.. he is sort of going threw the same thing i am. i am not going to say what BUT.. i'll put it this way..he has been my bestfriend for about 12 year now. although we don't talk much anymore..we are still there regardless of whats going on when we need eachother and right now.. i think we do. unfortunately he wasn't home, he was working but i talked to his mom about some stuff and i think he misses me just as much as i miss him..thats a good thing <3

social life- i have been going out and doing things lately which is fun. i have learned that i can work and have fun all in the same day and that makes for a much happier stephannie

all in all things are getting better and summer 08 is turning out great so far!

leave some loooveeee!

x0x~Stephannie ~x0x

So I've decided that i can't be mad at the world anymore. Whats done has been done, and although i am still trying to figure it out...there is a reason for all of this. As much as it hurts me that my grandfather isn't here, that my mom is not doing so well, and that i am loseing my boyfriend... i have to deal with it all. Even if it means crying my eyes out to anyone who will listen, i have to do it.  I can't always be the strong one, I need time to heal from everything just as much as other people do. I'm only human for christ sake and being human i can only take so much.

I need to grieve for my grandfather, take care of my  mother and try to fix things with my boyfriend. All of that seems mentally impossable to me right now because i am so overwhelmed. I have to do it though. Nothing in my life or with my depression is going to change unless i put forth the effort.

I love my boyfriend so much and the thought of loseing him completely kills me. He is my other half, my soulmate, my everything. He and I have been through so much together in the past almost two years. Alot of ups and downs, but we always come out on top. I know that not all good things last forever, but i hope that this one good thing in my life does. I try so hard, but he just doesn't see it. My effort isn't good enough..he always wants MORE. Well i want MORE to.. i want more understanding and comfort from him. I want him to love me more like i love him. I want him to hold me, hug me, and kiss me more. I'd be so totaly lost without him in my life. He has shown me so many new things and it wouldn't be the same without him. I want MORE of him. I Love him and i'm going to do whatever it takes to save this relationship.

My grandfathers passing has been very hard on me. i cry everynight because i miss him so much. I can't grasp the concept that he isn't here anymore. It all happened so fast. i didnt even really have time to spend with him in his final days because i was taking care of my mom. I hope he knows how much i love him, and i hope that i am making him proud of me.

My mom..well that i don't really want to share. a little to personal but lets just say.. i didn't think that it would get to this stage so quickly...i'm not sure how much more of this i can handle. Her family doesnt even want to help out.. i think thats pretty messed up. It left my grandmother to do everything and now she ends up where she is now...NOT COOL!

I just need a break from everything.. I just need to go away and not come back for a little while..*sigh*.. i sure wish i could do that...But it's not what my grandfather would want me to do. I have to keep on keepin on, and I have to do with with a  head held high and a smile on my face... i can't let the world  see me crying.

x0x~sas

As promised i am doing more xanga stuff.. i am pretty much over the whole myspace thing anyway. Alls it does is cause way to much drama. I feel that drama isn't needed in life, its a major waste of time and energy! so...NO MORE DRAMA!!

anyway, i bought this awsome new shampoo and body wash.. it's organic and it makes your hair and skin feel so purely clean! It doesn't smell nasty either. My hair is so soft i cant stop running my fingers through it! lol.

enough about my hair... on to my future endevors..(sp?) for this time next year..

1. Be a certified medical assistant

2. Have my Own place

3. Have my new car

i know that all of this is going to take alot of time and effort...but i know if i work my butt off that i can do it!

I have all the right people around me to support me so i know i will be ok. I wont have alot of time for ME though..i'll have time for ME later when things settle down

Jeremy and I are doing wonderful! Its wednsday so i'll be down there tonight, i am excited to see him! It's going to be a year and nine monthes for us  really soon. We have been through alot over the past year, lots of ups and downs, but in the end.. i know its worth it. I know he is "the one"

I have lost 6 pounds so far, i am so proud of myself!! woohoo!! project skinny is back on! lol

well thats all for now.. i'll write more tomrow

leave some love!

x0x~sas